10 Awesome Gifts For Data Analyst Day

With Data Analyst Day less than three weeks away, you're probably already thinking about the gift you are going to get your favorite data analyst. As you already know, Data Analyst Day is the third biggest gift-giving holiday of February, behind only Valentines Day and Presidents Day.

Here is a top-ten list of gift ideas for the Data Analyst in your life.

Number 10 = iPod Classic, at Best Buy. The honest truth is that your data analyst wants to listen to her iPod with earbud headphones, mostly because she doesn't want to be distracted by last-minute requests to create KPIs that summarize Shopping Comparison Site performance. If you are an Executive, pay close attention to your data analyst --- do the earbud headphones go in every time you approach to ask a question?

Number 9 = Notebook Computer with Horsepower, from PC Connection. There is nothing more demeaning to the data analyst than being required to use the same desktop computer purchased during the go-go days of the internet bubble. Granted, the legal folks hate it when data analysts are given laptops with critical company data --- you never know when the laptop will be stolen from your car while enjoying after-work drinks and appies at Red Robin. Nevertheless, a notebook computer with dual processors tells the data analyst that the company cares about her.

Number 8 = Neural Network Software from Advanced Software Applications. Sure, complex analysis can be done in Excel, or in a free tool like Google Analytics. That being said, your data analyst is tired of "setting up goals", or calculating sales tax for orders in Idaho. She wants to do something creative, innovative, something nobody will ever be able to adequately explain to an Executive. Neural network technology is perfect for this!

Number 7 = HP 7250 Wireless Printer from Amazon. Your information technology department doesn't see anything wrong with the 1995 black-and-white, four-page-per-minute laser printer located in your cafeteria --- it still works!! But your data analyst wants to be inspired, and wireless printing is one way to inspire an analyst. A key point, folks ... this printer isn't for everybody. Even though anybody could, in theory, print wirelessly to this unit, your data analyst wants sole use of the wireless printer, and wants the wireless printer in her cube.

Number 6 = Glossy Paper from Office Max. When you're getting ready to print a pie chart, you want the confidence of knowing that "magenta" slice is going to look the way it looks on the screen. This is best accomplished by having an ample supply of glossy paper.

Number 5 = Open Office Software Suite from Sun Microsystems. Your data analyst and your finance department will love you for this gift --- heck, it is FREE! Most important is the fact that the data analyst can create documents, spreadsheets, and presentations using odd extensions. This helps the data analyst gauge the technological sophistication of the recipient of the document --- to the data analyst, it is big-time fun to be able to say to an Executive "You mean you don't know how to open a .ODS file?"

Number 4 = 32" 1080p Samsung Monitor from Newegg.com. Business leaders frequently overlook the importance of computer monitors. After all, you can still do your job using one of those old CRT monitors from the 1980s, the ones that have green-on-black or orange-on-black screens. The data analyst knows that a 32" 1080p monitor conveys credibility. Nobody wants to learn about the details of the hyperbolic tangent function on a small screen.

Number 3 = Presidential Tufted Executive Leather Office Chair from BizChair.com. A data analyst requires comfort and back support. Both are sorely missing from today's array of standard, $170 office chairs with mesh seats. Why not spend a little more, and provide your data analyst with a chair that adequately conveys your appreciation for the "Top Ten Referring URL's" powerpoint slide she created for you last week?

Number 2 = Vintage Gas Pump Liquor Dispenser. Your data analyst may have grown up watching "Dallas" on Friday evenings. If so, she learned about the importance of alcohol in the workplace. If there was a problem at a refinery, Bobby & JR solved key business issues in JR's office with a glass of hard liquor in hand. Your data analyst probably suffers productivity issues when required to purchase Fanta soft drinks from the vending machine.

Number 1 = T-Bills. Why not give each data analyst at your company a $100,000 security direct from the U.S. Treasury? Your employee will thank you, your government will thank you, and the money you spend will be immediately re-distributed to financial institutions all across America.

Data Analyst Day: February 2, 2009!!!!!!

Economy got you down? Layoff pending? Tired of going to work and seeing -18% on the comp store sales report, or tired of seeing e-commerce sales at -3% every day?

Let's start the new fiscal year on a good note!

Today, I am formally announcing a new holiday. Monday, February 2 will be "Data Analyst Day", a world-wide day-long celebration of all that is good in the world of data analysis!

Maybe you are an Information Technology expert who just worked a weekend to create a dashboard for your Executive team.

Maybe you are a Business Intelligence staffer who recently used Business Objects to prove that certain store employees are worth 20% more than others.

Maybe you are a SAS/SPSS Programmer who calculated the lifetime value of multichannel customers.

Maybe you are a Web Analytics professional who demonstrated that branded search terms have a 15% larger average order value than other search terms.

Maybe you are a Catalog Circulation manager who saved your company $1.2 million dollars in expense by trimming unprofitable customer acquisition names.

Maybe you are an E-Mail Marketing director who developed six customized, personalized versions of a campaign that delivered a 20% improvement in $-per-e-mail.

Maybe you work in a fulfillment center, and you saved your company $300,000 in efficiencies, and you did so without touting yourself to Sr. Management.

Maybe you work at a Catalog Co-Op and you anonymously made your clients $3.5 million in profit by targeting the best names available.

Maybe you work in Online Marketing, and your portal advertising strategies caused a 4% increase in website traffic on the same ad-spend as last year.

Maybe you work at Catalog Choice, and your analytical efforts helped influence catalogers in a way that saved 222,000 trees last month.

Maybe you work at a Social Media startup, and you proved that certain users are "uber-influencers" who deserve special treatment.

Maybe you just deserve some recognition!

No matter the job or reason, you all work hard to analyze data to help your company succeed, or to help customers get more targeted communications. You deserve a day just for you!

If you have any great stories or bios of data analysts who made a difference, forward them to me in Microsoft Word or E-Mail or .PDF format and if I get a suitable quantity of good nominations, I'll publish a "top 50" or "top 100" list on February 2.

So SPREAD THE WORD --- February 2, 2009 is a world-wide event --- it is Data Analyst Day, celebrating all that is good in the world of Analytics!!!!